這句話是我牽著盲眼阿公的手,從安康平宅107巷新家走回109巷舊家收拾雜物,登上階梯第一階時,他跟我說的。
隨著我們的緩步前進,緩步揭開了他的內視風景,“ 這裡就是河,河前方是一片農田,後面是一望無際的草原... ” 他描述的是,安康平宅興建之前的事,他的眼睛還看得見的時候。記憶以某種形式延續了他的真實,他在他的世界中暖活的微笑。
這不是一個故事,這是一個懸滯狀態的旁注。
生命中我們永恆地步上河堤,面對即將橫渡的大河。在我們緩緩步上河堤面對洪流之時,成長中切割的片段,生命中消失的連結,事件輾轉細節模糊,因果茫茫錯綜,最後陪伴我們做出選擇的剩下感受。感受是生命體認揭露的理論與謬論,感受是旁人無從理解的內視風景,牠是原生家庭社會記憶,是已知的未來,未知的過去。牠成為過河時我們身上揹負著的那隻帶刺毒蠍,也成為跨下坐騎的那隻的滑水青蛙。
如果河是一定要過的,我們只能希冀那隻相依為命的青蛙,潛藏著足夠的堅強,陪伴我們橫渡前方不明確的大河,踏上下一片聽說燦爛的土地。
如果有機會的話,我們都想要好好的告別,我們都想要好好的出發,親眼目睹燦爛明亮的地方。
- 駐地創作者 陳若軒
" From here, it's the riverbank. " This sentence was spoken to me by the blind grandfather as I held his hand, walking from his new home in Lane 107 of Ankang Public House to his old home in Lane 109, gathering belongings. He said this to me as we climbed the first step of the stairs.
As we continued our slow progress, each step unveiled his inner landscape. "Here is the river, with farmland in front and an endless grassland behind..." He described the time before the construction of Ankang Public House, when his eyes could still see. Memory, in some form, continued his reality, and he lived with a warm smile in his own world.
This is not a story; it is an annotation in a suspended state.
In life, we eternally walk along the riverbank, facing the river we are about to cross. As we slowly step onto the riverbank to confront the torrent, fragments cut in the process of growing up, lost connections in life, events with blurred details, and the intricate web of cause and effect—all that remains is the feeling that accompanies us in making choices. Feelings are theories and fallacies revealed by the recognition of life. They are inner landscapes that others cannot comprehend, the memories of the original family and society, the known future, and the unknown past. They become the prickly scorpion on our backs as we cross the river and the slippery water frog under our feet.
If crossing the river is inevitable, we can only hope that the frog, the only one we depend on, hides enough strength to accompany us across the unclear river and step onto the next piece of land rumored to be brilliant.
If given the chance, we all want to offer a good goodbye, we all want to set off well and witness a place that is said to be bright and splendid.
- by project lead artist RoHsuan Chen